Tuesday, May 29, 2007

it sounded sober to me

after listening to NPR and a song a chum suggested
called
lover, come over
overcome with love
by this song
by jeff buckley
come over O love over come

Monday, May 28, 2007

ouch

ouch well yes you're right listening to the crimsons and their take is free the inner guru
and take your medicine
my medicine?
your medicine is your meetings of other recuperators from drugs and booze

what if your mind is post grad but your job is like pre k

that sounds all she thinks she's so great and maybe i do maybe i don't we all is great but what i really treely mean is:
my boozing ate up my school years so i have this grand mind that could help others(including self) but a job that don't 'low me to use it much

what to do if-you-have =a very highly -developed-mind but your job-don't even utilize it at all

what if you make mountains well out of moleskins?
but would much rather figure ways to be of use,y'know.
and so you are like in this job that is helping and heartening but you know you could do so much more but the fact that all those yesrs of fearful boozing and weeding decade ago now means you won't retour school/
overquailified and yet wanting to be neither a 'prince' nor a 'bum' well secretly a bum sounds mighty fine but the details ain't so precious

sorrow,fivemonths later some sproutings

after sorrow comes silence
after soft silence comes
the sprout
after the pouting comes
the shy sly smile

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

resentment truly is the triumvirate killer, scientific study concludes

So, the founders of 12 step philosophy had it right, after all
A study read today states that thoughts of resentment render their thinkers(one might say their prisoners?) far more likely to die of heart ailments

One 'searcher attributed these results to what I'll call the triumvirate
smoking(this could include weed, my drug of choice in recovery from, as well as otter dopes)
overdrinking(the british term is so appealing: i'm not no alcholic, i just overdrinks, that's all)
overeating(hoodia seems to help tell the mind "Nah, you're not really all that hungry, let go of the soap and it'll floater away awry)"

Sunday, May 13, 2007

inlandseas, fivestar garden('cording to the doveset) jays two, doves too too saddysadsters

I just made a nice dish of zucchini, squash, green onions, soft tofu, some campell's gourmet(low-fat) mushroom soup, assorted spices and some baby carrots all nestling like a trellis upon a micro'd potato. I even restrained myself and ate s l o w l y....
I have these doves, or rather they have lived in these parts for probably ten thousands of years, since the inland sea meant coastal Oregon itself was a state unto itself, and this spring, the branches of this little tree in my tiny garden have been deemed 'fivestar' by two distinct sets of dove parents and each time, I do believe, the jays got to their nests, one after another, in the selfsame precise site. I tried dissuading the first set but it is not easy to be 'mean' to a dove-with-eggs, setting; the second couple I 'lowed myself to believe "Well, maybe this might work this time."
nope, jays two, doves zero.
and then i see mother dove sometimes coming by to 'look for her eggs'....

listening to luckyman by elp and thinking on lifedeathhealing and betweeen

her baby(twenty-five) had her baby(just this week) and except for the slight bit of yellowjundice is just FINE yea
listening and watching an old version of luckyman
it is uncanny because when my sisters and i were driving to my babybrother's funeral
(dam death)
it came on and that was just after Another death song and I shouted
NOT ANOTHER DEATH song

had a friend tell me she never ever ever thinks of death
but don Juan told Carlos to 'low death to be his advisor and always be over his right sholuder
and i , and this ticks off my little sister whom I love but I can't help the fact
I keep hearing my little brother's voice say Mango, stop your frettering 'bout all this or that
Listen to me

so lots of times I do
specially when i drive the street his death

Saturday, May 12, 2007

OLDFRIEND sometimes anxious-provoking

OLD friend who is in my coreand wholoves meto
thecore
socomforting
and healingnice

vonnegut, das ist gut, forget her car colorado, and she=mom=god=love=warmth=safetyr

In Vonnegut's book time quake, he talks about how a compulsive gambler will lose it all at the gaming tables and then she or he will beg borrow or rob some more dough and
return to say
"deal me in,mac"
and it reminds me of how when I see a car that reminds me of the car of this lady I used to date and have an unhealthy affection for(meaning, she wasn't really there for me in the way I needed ME to be there for me, if that makes sense) and how, despite throwing in my cars and saying I QUIT
each time I see that color of car my heart jumps a bit
cuz I , completely irrationally, still love that lady
who represents 'my mom'
yet my mom(who died when i was small)
ultimately represents my god
who ultimately(for me) represents the need for love and security....
today at my NA group I was gonna share about all this but instead said "Ill just listen-in today

Thursday, May 10, 2007

ach the aching i ching jingjingjing the pongroom is nimmermeer the bongroom

rheymy eyes or non
she didn't mind the facticle that
little babe was just less than thiry thirsty hours into our realm
O let us worship
her
and to heck with warlockers, warships and the score on the wargames

Monday, May 7, 2007

snowsnow glow aggro aglay

to be goo to my friends
how to love them and grow longside them yet not be demanding or controlling to them?
sigh and alas
no small task
the fig and the fox
they shared some locks
the mitt and the mitten
they was both hawking and a spritzing
SNOW SNOW GLOW AGLAY