i did better today

i did better today
not being so obsessively compelled
it's about trusting and faith
not so much in the Lord or anything but in
the wisdom of healing and that I'll go whap-backlog if i listen to the carp of my own mind set

i know an exceptionally useful way to be in instant misery

that would be of course to drink alcohol

my mind-mercials tell me otherwise

my sperience tells me misery=drinkering

and when i look at death and don't blink, weep weep
but don't drinkypoo

with a mind like mine, i call it responding they call it reactoring, both =right

i respond and note and give such a highlevel of care
but
they don't want a high level of care given
they want tableaux cleansered and soulsongs snuffered

and i want to shuffle and say I'm georgia-gorgeous

this overjerk and oversmirk
is nothing but healering turned backwards
and so therer is nothing but no one being
awarify
and soft belly , the mediation state of calmness within
my innards want it
and they find the merciless workahaulism repugnant
the end is beachcombing

our agilities we sell them like sheepmongers

there is a robber's coach henchman facet of this working for others
we loose our goals and 'jectives
and work for them(nobel as those might swell be)

and in the interim(our lives unfoldering)
we loosen from our healingsongs and
oops there goes our lifelinetime doubltimed by the twin fears of notnow and who?me?

and i am thinking upon yew

and listening to mantras for releasing not relishing fear so feral

so many old records and books to jettison 'ere i die

THere was a game name of Lander
it was an early generation of 'pewter games
the purpose was to land on the moon with zero gas in your tank and zero mph as your velocity
sounds easy, don't it?
well...
so i would always crasher it
and not for the halibut
but 'cuz i couldnt figure out the so-to-speak rubik's cube formulae of the flight pattern

same thing with
old 45 rpm' records
and musky dusky lusky books

let someone else have 'em,neigh
and go forward
she who dies with the least toys
just her parka,actually
doesn't lose

help? I just cannot seem to release, i keep seeing layers upon layers, i wanna be dum like my cow0rkers

i been so stressoring at the office in terms of just seeing so much and overdoing it, it is like i work so berry berylium hardishyly hard and grow so weary cuz everthing i see all these aspects of it
my cow's only seethe the tipster of it and i am seeing so many connexions it maddenifies me and gets me soooo
twigged...
i just need to focus my soul's journey on some other aspects of healing
that i can pour my allness into within wherewithal...

what if fighting for something fair is driving you nutters

I realized that is just fine to 'fight' for something I b elieve in but also to let go if it doesn't come out my way
unless it is something majormajor
and ofttimes it is something relatively minor or just something that irks me cuz it isn't Fair in my mind
but i gotta learn to say
well
Fair is mellow
but being uptight about fair ain't
so i need to just chill about all of it and 'cept that sometimes what i feel is fair just gets what i consider a deaf ear by my supervisors(and they prolly feel the 'xact same way 'bout myself

what if fighting for something fair is driving you nutters

I realized that is just fine to 'fight' for something I b elieve in but also to let go if it doesn't come out my way
unless it is something majormajor
and ofttimes it is something relatively minor or just something that irks me cuz it isn't Fair in my mind
but i gotta learn to say
well
Fair is mellow
but being uptight about fair ain't
so i need to just chill about all of it and 'cept that sometimes what i feel is fair just gets what i consider a deaf ear by my supervisors(and they prolly feel the 'xact same way 'bout myself

to have a mom who is so good to oneself, how especial that must become

i am a goodly goose
i was in a crumby state today
listening to this youth on the radio who won the spelling bee and i think Wow, how neat her mom was like her best friend and teacher and she is sooooo confident
unlke us who 'tend to be equal
and to 'm,agine having a very ancient mum and how to help one another, the mature child helping the aged mom and uncloud each others soulsong
rather than loosing mine own as but an egg

how to recalim me from it

what DO we have to lose
and yet we are so cowardly as a sultan when it comes to reclamation of our soul soil so sultry yet unsullied

presto, the number has been deleted

um one scant prollem with that last poste:
since it (two days ago, such are the coarse carousels of lovers,ladybird)
went webside,
my friend has dump-trucked me

and so now it rings less true
the rewrite would read

it is poginangly pain-filled to know that a mere hour's away
someone who used to want me
now detests me
all cuz i cannot be whom they wish me to portray

how near thou art

there is a calmness most splendiferous what overdomes me
knowing that
somewhere just an hour's drive or a few day's hike
thou livest in splendid splendor